NPC Fan Mail

It could be that he abandoned his formal title when he lost his Abbey in the Searing (now the Sanitarium.) I believe that there may be more quests attached to these characters that we aren't seeing yet (as we follow them through Ascalon, the Shiverpeaks, and then they kind of disappear until the Crystal Desert /S. Shiverpeaks & RoF) so perhaps you'll get your answer one of these days.

Dear Ascalon guards,

For christs sakes dont just stand there ! fight !

Garian

Dear Prince Rurik

For the love of god, either you lead or you follow, don't just go back and forth. Don't just stand there when you say 'follow me' and don't be stupid enough to bum rush a shniz load of charr. I think you really need to learn the term 'teamwork'.

No disrespect, and oh yeah, don't stand near the edge of any mountains in Frost Gate... >.>;

~Adaria

Dear Prince Rurik,
You suck. I hate you and I will laugh at your funeral. Oh and your sword sucks too. Die.

Love, Lasher Dragon

Dear Stefan

WTH are you thinking? Just because I target something and shoot at it with a ranged weapon it does not mean I want you to bum rush it! Stay back until I call a target you fool! How big of an idiot are you? Why can't you follow directions?

Your stupid....
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Dear Little Thorn

See letter to Stefan above you idiot.
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Dear Alesia

Please rez Little Thorn and Stefan
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Dear Reyna

Hell of a job, keep up the great work. Go back and purchase some freak'n skills would you? How about Poison or ignite? You stay back, you stay alive rather well, and your hot. But can you use some skills please? Oh and where the hell is your pet? /sigh
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Dear Claude
Keep it up bud your doing great! I love the mana pump you give Alesia, she needs it as many times as she needs to rez the two idiot warriors. Keep your hands off Reyna, she's mine.
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Dear Orion

Please for the love of all that is good and holy purchase some armor with + to physical attacks.

My addition....

Dear Alesia, please stay back. Just because there is no rezzing or healing to do, does not mean that you become a tank. Remember, you have a ranged weapon for a reason.

(secondary addition for Orion)

Please pay attention to the casting time for your spells. If there is a group, try casting firestorm EARLIER.

Dear Devona

Damn you're hot, whats with that armor? You know what I mean... . Farrah, that little wannabe, could never be you, for so many reasons. You really should hang out more with us and less with Cynn and the others...

Lotsa Love, Adaria

Dear Henchies,

Dude, look at what happens for getting all drugged up and getting that idea to run off? You got stuck as a henchie for life, what a sucky punishment eh? Then again you're too messed up to really notice it looks like... I pity you, sorta...

Claude, dude, get some contacts that actually have pupils, you look like the walking dead...

Thom, see what happens when you desert us? Eternal punishment as a henchman forever!

Alesia, You were made a henchie to learn how to actually do your job, yet you try, you just aren't good enough yet, get better or be a henchman forever!

Stephan, you look way too much like some Slyvester Stalone thing, its kind of scary, you're all expressionless or something...

Thom, again, you look like a fat italian guy, not some big badass warrior...

Lina, You're cool, not sure why you're a henchie, maybe you need the money huh?

Reyna, you're hot, you don't even need to be a henchie, what with that ranger pole dance...

EDIT: Oh yeah and Dunham, you're ok, but too red, and whats with all of you ranged weap guys having the same damn wand? Its kind of creepy like you're in some colt. Once again, Orion, stay off the damn drugs...

-Adaria

Dear Alesia,

Don't get me wrong, you're rather cute, but I don't think the monsters have any reservations about hitting girls. So please, when I run into attack, please don't sprint past me into the mass of enemies.

Sincerely, Monarch

P.S. You are not a tank.

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Dear Cynn,

You are a vision of loveliness. Your impeccable sense of style and poise make me happy... in my pants. Nothing turns me on more than having you threaten to cast Firestorm on me if I sleep around on you. Watching you kill monsters is the greatest joy that my short Guild Wars existence has yet provided.

Never leave me, Guild Wars just wouldn't be the same without you.

In Love, Monarch

P.S. You kick that little pansy Orion's ass.

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Dear Lina,

Why do you rule so much? You've saved my life more times than I care to count. Your handily placed Reversal of Fortune always gives me the edge I need in a fight. I wish Alesia were cool like you are.

Gratefully, Monarch

P.S. How do you cast Reversal of Fortune on four people simultaneously anyways?

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Dear Devona,

Thanks for being a meat shield. You make me glad I got this far, because Thom and Stephan are sort of stupid. Especially Thom. (I think he hits the bottle a little too hard before missions.)

You're a hottie, but it will never work out between us. I'm in love with Cynn, and she's a jealous little elementalist. If she thought we were flirting, I wouldn't be able to guarantee your safety anymore.

Your Good Friend, Monarch

P.S. I dig the hammer.

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Dear Gwen,

I sware to god your the evilist little girl i know. Hiding behind that flute and little girls cape and happily prancing about asking for flowers isnt fooling anybody and we know your out for world dominition. Only proof I need of this is that you've completly dissapeared after searing leaving your flute behind as your only clue, since the flute didnt help hide your evil nature in pre~searing what makes you think im going to consider you dead post? Your flute was a decoy then and i have no doubt that its a decoy now.

I want 20% of all tiths you recieve once your evil little plan has succeded and you are finally recognized as .::Emporer Gwen::. That 20% is for buying you that stupid cape and flute all the while letting you dance around me and "heal" me, consider it an investment for helping you hide your true evil nature. I should ask for 30% for all the times you trapped me on a cliff edge so that I couldnt move forcing me to watch you twirl in circles for a ½ hour or more, however im a generous fool and cant help it as im sure you noticed when I gave you that flute and towel...er....'cape'....to begin with. However, i will tack on an additional 5% for forcing me to listen to all the drivel that poored out of your mouth on a fairly constant basis (Mom this, Prince Rurik that, Gimme your flowers or die). I know you will eventually see things my way and since 25% isnt much to ask considering, I await your egar reply.

Reguards,
Adelissa Signe

Dear King What'sHisName:

Hahaha, your son is a puss!

Dear Charr:

Next time you decide to have a barbecue--please let me know so I can bring the marshmallows.

Also--just so you know--I will be bringing a group of adventurers who all belong to the guild "Henchman" out to you sometime. Apparently they firmly believe the end of the world is near and are more than willing to run out for a meet and greet with any of your many warbands.

Please do me a huge favor and intrdouce them to your swords and axes--EACH AND EVERY single one of them. I am tired of you letting one of them "live" thereby forcing me to have to regroup back at town once more.

As usual--you can have their armor and gold upon their death.


Peace and well wishes,

Harlas

Dear Forest Animals;

I realise that the woods and vales of the beautiful land we walk through on our jouneys is your home as well as ours, and I am truly sorry that we must wander around in it as often as we do, disturbing your relaxing environs. While mostly you ignore myself and my comrades, from time to time it seems that your curious nature gets the better of you and you wander over to find out what the fires falling from the sky feel like, or whether those shambling corpses that explode in pretty green sprays are friendly.

As a friend of nature I really don't want to hurt you, but you become enraged with my companions when through your own foolishness you are hurt in our battles with the forces of evil - for my sake and for yours, when you hear a group of heavily armed humans tromping along a path, get the hell away from us like every other animal with half a brain does. If I need your pathetic help I can always call you with my Otyugh's Cry and laugh as you throw your lives away pointlessly against a group of much superior predators.

in friendship, all my rangers.

Dear Gywnn,

YOU GOT ME STUCK IN A CORNER AND FORCED ME TO GO THROUGH THE WHOLE MAP AGAIN ON MY FIRST EVER GAME! I HATE YOU! I'M GLAD YOU DIED/SUFFERED DURING/AFTER THE SEARING! I'D HAVE DONE IT MYSELF IF THE CHARR HADN'T! AGGHGHGHGH!!!

I like you healing me with your flute though. I miss that. Doesn't make any sense that you can do that, but whatever.

Sincerely,

The Destructor

Dear Necromancer Munne,

You're Hot x1000000000.

Love Grim_Grom, your biggest fan.

[PS, that Vampiric Touch you gave me has never left my skillset!!]

Dear Charr Crew,

You were much stronger and more experienced in the betas. I enjoyed fighting you much more back then. What the heck happened to you guys? How did you get so out of shape? What is the secret vice that made all the Charr go soft?

- A Disappointed Human

Dear Prince Rurik:

I hate you and the fact you always see it neccessary to run in the middle of every mob you can find and get yourself killed instantly, thus making us restart the entire mission over again. Now please go fly off a cliff.

-Rurik_hater

Dear King Adelbern,

You are such an ass, and I'm really glad we left your slimehole of a kingdom. Have fun playing with the Charr, trying to rebuld Rin, and now, lacking an heir for the throne, way to go chief, you really set the standards for failure...

~Adaria,

P.S. I regret to inform you of the untimely death of your disowned son, for details, go to Frost Gate and see it for yourself first hand

Lmao
Bahahahahahahaa